The Problem Isn't Your Kids... You Need to Parent Yourself.

Feeling triggered by your kids lately?  Having less patience than usual? Are you a bit irritated or overstimulated?   Some or all of this ...and more?   You probably need to dive deep and start parenting yourself... do some work on the inside and you will do and BE so much better on the outside.

When was the last time you invested in yourself... and took care of you?   When was the last time you did something you truly enjoyed?  How about the last time you had a full on belly laugh?!  Or, the last time you stopped in your tracks and took a moment in silence to breathe or appreciate your surroundings?  (Etc. Etc. Etc.).  I think you see where I'm going...  let me share a bit more...

My priority in life is raising conscious kids so they become conscious adults.   And, it is HARD WORK!  Every day is not perfect nor do I expect it to be, but I have been parenting myself since before they were born!   Even more so now...  I'll share one of my own personal examples and I hope this opens the door for you into the world of mindful parenting and being a conscious parent.

This week, I have been extra tired and not getting a good nights sleep.   On top of that, I had other stressors (as we all usually do-- but this week, more than the usual) and I noticed I've felt short tempered with less patience for everything -- especially with the wonderful beings in my home (hubby, kids and dog). Acknowledging this, I decided to be kinder to myself, taking extra time with everything I did throughout the day to truly slow down, intentionally not taking/putting anything additional on my plate,  doing breathing exercises and listening to relaxing music as I worked or did housework.  All of this helped - helped get my through the days - but there were times when it still wasn't enough. Uncontrollable "things" kept falling in my lap and my attention went to them one by one...   

My daughter was being silly, playing and giggling with her brother and ultimately, getting ready for taekwondo at a super slow pace - taking her time - and we had to leave or we'd be late to class...  I felt my heart start to pick up some extra beats, patience wearing thin, a head ache coming on... then I forced myself to stop.  To just stop.  I took a deep breath - released that energy build up and realized I had one of two routes to take... one where I could raise my voice, "lose my shit", swiftly get everyone into the car and be on time ...but what would that truly accomplish?  A regretful feeling in my soul, crying kids, hurt feelings and for what?  To be on time?   No thanks.  So, I took route two, where I calmly supported her in getting ready faster, giggled with them a long the way, acknowledging and taking accountability for not starting to get ourselves ready sooner (like we typically do) and realizing that we do need that extra few minutes to be able to get out of the door sooner and be on time and it saves us from ever being in the position to have to rush...   And we were maybe 5 minutes late.   We arrived with smiles, taekwondo was fun and I learned my lesson for next time.  Was it my daughters fault for taking her time, wanting to play and giggle with her brother?  Absolutely not.  But, it was a great opportunity to parent myself so I can better parent my children. 

I remember being younger and being rushed - rushed to go where?  I can't tell you now but I do remember the feeling...  Your nervous system remembers.  Is that what you want for your kids?  I doubt it... Our parents did the best they could with the knowledge they had...  with the capacity they had.  And although I do respect the art of taekwondo, the instructors and other participants - nothing is more important than the experience I give to my children.  The memories we have and how I care for them (and their nervous system) will always be more important to me.   So, I'm here to tell you there's another way.  You have a choice.   We have the knowledge and resources now to learn and DO BETTER.   To build more capacity for yourself (that's another article I will share soon...) and to be the best you can be for those little miracles of yours... And, if you slip up - acknowledge it, own it and just do better next time.  That's all you can do - it is a learning journey for all.  

And, next time there's an opportunity to parent yourself, I hope it stops you in your tracks and brings you immediate awareness of your own triggers so you have an opportunity to unravel and put the work in yourself, however or whatever that may look like for you and your family... and to question, "Why did that trigger me?  What about this situation is stirring something inside of me?"   Whether it's with a similar example of rushing to some place, how your kids decide to play that board game,  how you react when they make a mess eating or if they raise their voice at you or test you in another way... the list goes on and on.  But, I have faith in YOU.  You got this -- you wouldn't be reading this far if you didn't. 

XOXO Stefanie McAuliffe